How Shame Drives Us into Addiction and Guilt Lifts Us Out

Shame and guilt are often talked about like they’re the same thing, but they’re actually quite different, and understanding that difference can make a big impact—especially when it comes to addiction. While shame tends to keep us stuck, guilt can actually help us find our way out.

Shame Keeps Us Stuck

If you’ve ever heard Brené Brown speak, you’ve probably come across this powerful quote: “Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, eating disorders, and suicide.” And it’s true. Shame is one of those emotions that feels like a weight on our chest, making us believe that we are inherently flawed or unworthy. It doesn’t just point to mistakes we’ve made—it drags our entire identity into the dirt.

When we make a mistake, shame tells us, “You’re dumb. You’re not good enough. You’ll never get it right.” If we hurt someone, shame magnifies the mistake and says, “You’re a bad person. You’re a monster.” Even when others’ opinions don’t line up with reality, shame jumps in and convinces us that we’re unlikable or unworthy of love. It’s this constant stream of negative self-talk that makes it harder to break free from addictive behaviors.

Why? Because shame doesn’t just bring us down—it keeps us there. The more we’re buried under the weight of self-doubt, the more we seek out ways to numb it. Whether it’s through substance use, excessive social media scrolling, or any other escape, addiction can feel like the only way to quiet the voice of shame.

And here’s the kicker: Even when we know our addictions are damaging, shame keeps telling us that we’re not capable of changing, that we’ll never be able to get out of it. So, we stay stuck in the cycle.

Guilt Helps Us Climb Out

Now, let’s talk about guilt. This is where things start to shift. Brené Brown continues, “And here’s the big piece you need to understand: guilt is inversely correlated with those outcomes.” In simpler terms, guilt is protective. It doesn’t tear us down—it helps us recognize where we’ve gone wrong and encourages us to do better.

Studies show that guilt is often linked with more positive outcomes in life, especially when it comes to addiction. Research from the National Library of Medicine points out that while shame leads to all sorts of struggles, guilt can actually motivate us to take responsibility and change our behavior.

Guilt doesn’t attack our self-worth. Instead of saying, “I am dumb,” guilt says, “That behavior was dumb, but I can do better.” Instead of “I’m unlikable,” guilt tells us, “That situation was unfortunate, but it doesn’t define me.” This kind of self-talk helps us keep a positive sense of who we are, while also recognizing where we need to grow.

When we’re in the grip of addiction, guilt can actually be a lifeline. It allows us to see the problem for what it is—something we can address—without sinking into the despair that shame brings. When we shift from shame to guilt, it becomes easier to imagine a way out. We start to believe that we can overcome the addiction and work toward healing.

The Bottom Line: Guilt Gets Us Moving Forward

Addiction thrives in shame. It traps us in cycles of self-doubt and isolation. But guilt? Guilt helps us face our mistakes, learn from them, and take action. While shame says “you’re broken beyond repair,” guilt says, “You’ve made mistakes, but you can learn and grow.” And that makes all the difference.

If you’re struggling with addiction, it’s important to start shifting your mindset. Instead of allowing shame to control you, try recognizing where guilt can help you take accountability for your actions and move toward a healthier path. Because while shame may drive us deeper into addiction, guilt gives us the strength to climb out.