Your Parent Made a Mistake. That Doesn’t Make Them Toxic.

Christy Kane
Aug 14
4 min read

Somewhere along the way, “My mom hurt my feelings” turned into “My mom is toxic, I’m cutting her off.”

Social media is screaming at you:

“If your dad isn’t perfect, leave him.”
“If your mom sets boundaries, she’s controlling.”
“If your parents disagree with you, it’s abuse.”

And now we have a generation convinced they should “divorce” their parents at the first sign of discomfort.

Here’s the problem: discomfort isn’t always danger. Mistakes aren’t always malice. And not every imperfect parent is toxic.

The Dangerous Trend: Toxicity Inflation

We’ve started inflating the word “toxic” until it means… anything you didn’t like.

Parent says no → “They’re controlling.”
Parent loses their temper once → “They’re emotionally abusive.”
Parent gives advice you didn’t ask for → “They’re gaslighting me.”

Real abuse exists. Real toxic parenting exists. And it’s deadly serious. But when we lump normal, flawed parenting in with abuse, two bad things happen:

We stop recognizing real danger when it’s there.
We destroy relationships that could have been repaired.

Here’s the Reality Check: All Parents Make Mistakes

Every. Single. One.

Including the ones you think are perfect.

Parents are just humans who had kids. They didn’t get upgraded to angel status. They didn’t magically gain perfect emotional regulation or flawless wisdom.

Good parents…

Say things they regret.
Get stressed and snap.
Make rules that don’t make sense sometimes.
Misunderstand you.
Miss important moments.

And still be good parents.

The Difference Between a Flawed Parent and a Toxic Parent

Let’s get crystal clear.

A flawed parent:

Loves you, even when they screw up.
Apologizes when they realize they’re wrong (even if imperfectly).
Tries to learn and do better over time.
Wants you to be safe, healthy, and whole — even if they mess up the “how.”

A toxic parent:

Consistently puts their needs, ego, or comfort above your safety and wellbeing.
Never takes responsibility, always blames you.
Uses manipulation, fear, or shame to control you.
Repeatedly damages your mental, emotional, or physical health without remorse.

One is a human being doing their best. The other is a pattern of harm.

Why Cutting Off Good Parents Is a Bad Move

When you cut off a good but imperfect parent because they “didn’t get it right” every time, you lose more than you think.

You lose the wisdom of someone who’s lived decades longer than you.You lose the history only they can share.You lose the possibility of a stronger relationship that comes from forgiving and growing together.

Life is long. People change. You’ll want your people in your corner when the storms hit.

The Patience Gap: What Gen Z and Millennials Are Missing

We live in a culture that says: If it’s hard, leave.

Hard job? Quit.Hard friendship? Ghost.Hard family dynamic? Block.

But some relationships — especially family — aren’t disposable. They’re roots.

Roots aren’t always comfortable, but they anchor you in the storms.

Patience isn’t weakness. Sometimes, it’s the strength that turns a broken moment into a breakthrough relationship.

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

Social media loves to push the fantasy: the “Pinterest” parent who’s emotionally attuned 24/7, never raises their voice, remembers every school event, and supports every choice you make without question.

That parent doesn’t exist.

And if they did, they’d probably still mess you up in a different way.

Real parents are messy.

Real parents get tired.

Real parents have their own trauma.

And yet — real parents can still raise incredible, healthy kids.

Signs You Have a Good Parent Who’s Just Human

They sometimes mess up but come back to repair.
They set boundaries because they care, not to punish.
They try to understand you, even if they don’t always succeed.
They show up for you in practical ways: rides, meals, help when you’re sick.
They worry about your safety, even when it annoys you.

If this is your parent… you don’t need to “divorce” them.

You need to talk, listen, forgive, and grow.

Signs It Might Actually Be Toxic

You’re constantly walking on eggshells.
They belittle you, mock you, or shame you in private or public.
Your achievements are ignored or turned into competition.
They invade your privacy in ways that feel unsafe.
They deny your experiences and rewrite the truth.
They isolate you from other healthy relationships.

If this is your reality, you may need distance to protect yourself. That’s not “cancel culture” — that’s survival.

Here’s the Hard Truth No One on TikTok Will Tell You

If you expect your parents to never mess up, you’re setting yourself up for loneliness.If you run from every relationship that challenges you, you’ll end up with no one left.

Because here’s the punchline: the older you get, the more you’ll realize you’re not perfect either. And when you screw up (because you will), you’ll hope the people you love don’t “divorce” you for it.

The Challenge for Young People Right Now

Instead of asking, “Did my parent ever hurt me?” (because the answer will always be yes)…

Ask, “Is my parent still showing up, still loving me, still trying to do better?”

If the answer is yes, don’t burn that bridge. Walk across it, even if the boards creak.

Parents aren’t perfect.

You aren’t perfect.

Relationships are messy.

But don’t let a viral trend rob you of the people who’ve loved you since day one. Learn the difference between harm you can heal from together, and harm you must protect yourself from.

One is worth fighting for.The other is worth walking away from.

Know the difference. Live the difference.