The Three C’s of Divorce: A Therapist’s Guide

Divorce is one of life’s most challenging transitions. It can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you, leaving you emotionally raw, mentally exhausted, and uncertain about the future. If you’re in the middle of a divorce—or even just thinking about it—you might find yourself scrolling TikTok or social media, looking for distraction, connection, or reassurance.

While doom-scrolling might feel like a temporary escape, it rarely leaves you feeling better.

In fact, it often amplifies anxiety, sadness, and confusion.

As a therapist, I often help clients navigate these turbulent waters by focusing on what I call the Three C’s of Divorce: Control, Communication, and Closure.

These three principles aren’t magic fixes, but they serve as a roadmap for protecting your mental health, maintaining stability, and ultimately moving toward healing.

C #1: Control

One of the most emotionally taxing aspects of divorce is the loss of control. Whether it’s co-parenting disagreements, dividing assets, or the uncertainty of what comes next, it’s easy to feel like life has been hijacked by circumstances beyond your influence.

Here’s the hard truth: you cannot control your ex, the court system, or the way the world perceives your divorce. Trying to do so only leads to exhaustion, frustration, and a constant cycle of disappointment. Instead, the focus needs to shift inward—toward what you can control.

What you can control:

• Your boundaries: Decide what interactions are healthy, what behaviors you won’t tolerate, and stick to them. Boundaries are your first line of defense against emotional depletion.

• Your reactions: You can’t stop an ex from being hurtful or unpredictable, but you can choose how to respond. Pause before reacting, and ask yourself, “Will this serve me or drain me?”

• Your routines: During divorce, chaos feels constant. Routines give your brain predictability and stability. Eat regularly, sleep enough, and create small daily rituals that reinforce safety and calm.

  
  

Regaining a sense of control is not about manipulating outcomes; it’s about protecting your inner world. Each small step of self-directed action builds resilience and restores agency, which is exactly what you need when life feels out of control.

C #2: Communication

Divorce often triggers the worst version of communication: blame, anger, passive-aggressive messages, or avoidance. All of this can escalate conflict, increase stress, and make even small decisions feel monumental.

Therapists emphasize that communication during divorce should be intentional and strategic. It’s not about being perfect or saying the “right thing” every time—it’s about minimizing harm, maintaining dignity, and keeping your mental health intact.

Tips for effective communication:

• Keep it short and factual: Stick to the facts, especially when discussing logistics like schedules, finances, or legal matters. Avoid emotional commentary that may fuel arguments.

• Avoid blame and assumptions: You may feel anger, disappointment, or betrayal, but try to avoid statements that start with “You always…” or “You never….” These only escalate defensiveness.

• Use written communication wisely: Email or text can be your ally. They provide a record of important conversations and allow you to think through your words before sending.

• Ask, don’t demand: Frame requests in a neutral, respectful way. “Can we adjust the schedule so our child has enough rest?” is far more effective than “You’re messing up our child’s routine again.”

Effective communication isn’t just about interacting with your ex. It’s also about self-talk. Divorce often triggers harsh internal criticism: “

I’m failing as a parent,” “I should have seen this coming,” “I can’t handle this.” Monitor your self-talk carefully, and replace judgment with compassion. Speak to yourself the way a trusted friend or therapist would: with understanding, patience, and encouragement.

C #3: Closure

Many people make the mistake of waiting for their ex, the court, or life itself to provide closure. But closure is not something anyone else gives you—it’s something you create for yourself.

Closure is the mental and emotional process of acknowledging what was, grieving what is lost, and moving toward a life that is no longer defined by the relationship. It’s about turning a painful ending into a step toward self-reclamation.

Ways to cultivate closure:

• Therapy: Professional support helps you process emotions, identify patterns, and create strategies for healthy coping. Even a few sessions can provide profound clarity.

• Journaling: Writing about your experiences helps externalize your thoughts and organize the chaos in your mind. Try prompts like, “What did I learn about myself through this marriage?” or “What do I need to forgive myself for?”

• Rituals: Symbolic acts—like packing away keepsakes, writing a goodbye letter you never send, or creating a “moving forward” ceremony—help your brain mark the ending and prepare for a new chapter.

• Mindfulness and meditation: These practices strengthen your ability to stay present, rather than reliving the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness supports emotional regulation and reduces the mental “looping” that often follows divorce.

Closure is not about forgetting or pretending nothing happened. It’s about finding a way to coexist with your past while freeing yourself to live fully in the present.

Why the Three C’s Matter

Divorce doesn’t just affect your legal status—it impacts your mental health, physical well-being, relationships with children, and your sense of identity. When people doom-scroll through social media to escape these feelings, they often find themselves overwhelmed, comparing themselves to others, or ruminating on what went wrong.

Focusing on the Three C’s—Control, Communication, and Closure—provides a roadmap for managing the emotional chaos.

They help you:

• Regain a sense of agency in your life

• Minimize unnecessary conflict and drama

• Heal your emotional wounds intentionally

• Build resilience for the next chapter of your life

These principles aren’t quick fixes, but they are consistent anchors in a sea of uncertainty. They help you navigate divorce with more clarity, less chaos, and a sense of dignity intact.

Practical Daily Tips for the Three C’s

Morning: Start your day with control. List three things you can do today that are within your power, even if they’re small.

During Interactions: Practice mindful communication. Pause before responding to texts or calls that may trigger anger or frustration. Ask yourself, “Is this productive? Does it protect my peace?”

Evening: Reflect for closure. Write down any lingering thoughts, fears, or regrets. Acknowledge them, release them, and remind yourself that healing is a process, not a single event.

Divorce is hard.

It’s often messy, emotionally draining, and full of unexpected twists.

But it doesn’t have to define your life. By focusing on the Three C’s—Control, Communication, and Closure—you can protect your mental health, reduce stress, and reclaim your life.

Your attention is precious. Social media can be tempting, but scrolling endlessly through other people’s lives or the latest drama only feeds anxiety. Spend your energy on yourself: your boundaries, your communication, your healing. These are investments that pay lifelong dividends.

Remember: you don’t have to do this alone. Therapy, support groups, trusted friends, and mindful self-care can all be allies in your journey. Divorce is not the end—it’s a chapter in your story. And with the right tools, guidance, and self-compassion, it can be a chapter of growth, resilience, and self-discovery.