How to Talk to Kids and Teens About Trauma: The Dos and Don’ts

Trauma is an unfortunate but inevitable part of life. While we wish we could shield children and teens from painful experiences, they will likely face difficult situations at some point. According to national studies, 64% of adults experienced at least one traumatic event before the age of 18. The way we talk to children about trauma can have a significant impact on how they process, heal, and move forward.

If you’re wondering how to navigate these tough conversations, here’s a helpful guide to the dos and don’ts of talking to kids and teens about trauma.

DO: Ensure They Feel Safe First

Before starting any conversation about trauma, ensure the child is physically and emotionally safe. No matter the event—whether it was a natural disaster, an accident, or abuse—children need reassurance that they are no longer in immediate danger.

For younger children, use simple and direct language: “You are safe now. I am here with you.”

For teens, acknowledge their emotions and reinforce your support: “I know this has been really hard. You’re not alone, and I’m here for you.”

DON’T: Assume They Understand What Happened

Kids and teens process trauma differently than adults. What might seem clear to you could be confusing or overwhelming for them. Instead of assuming they grasp the full picture, ask open-ended questions like:

• “Can you tell me what you remember about what happened?”

• “What are some of the thoughts you’ve been having about this?”

Avoid phrases like “You know that wasn’t your fault, right?” or “You understand what happened, don’t you?” These can feel pressuring and might shut down communication.

DO: Let Them Lead the Conversation

Children and teens will open up at their own pace. Some might want to talk immediately, while others may need days or weeks before they’re ready. Let them guide the conversation by giving them space to express themselves.

A helpful way to engage without pushing is by saying, “I’m here whenever you want to talk.” For younger kids, offering creative outlets like drawing or storytelling can help them express feelings they can’t yet verbalize.

DON’T: Use Leading or Dismissive Statements

It’s easy to want to comfort a child by offering reassurances, but certain statements can feel dismissive or minimize their emotions.

Avoid phrases like:

• “You’re so strong; you’ll get over this.”

• “It wasn’t that bad, right?”

• “You’ll forget about this soon.”

These statements might unintentionally make a child feel like their emotions aren’t valid. Instead, acknowledge their feelings: “That must have been really scary. It’s okay to feel upset.”

DO: Give Age-Appropriate Explanations

Younger children need simple, clear explanations. Instead of complex details, offer age-appropriate facts. For example, if they witnessed a car accident, you might say, “A car hit another car, and some people got hurt, but the doctors are helping them.”

For teens, be open and honest while maintaining sensitivity. They may have more detailed questions, so be prepared to answer at their level without overwhelming them with distressing details.

DON’T: Overload Them with “What Ifs”

After experiencing trauma, children often worry about the future. While it’s important to address their concerns, try not to overwhelm them with too many possibilities. If a child asks, “What if this happens again?” instead of saying, “That won’t happen,” acknowledge their fears: “I know you’re worried. Let’s talk about ways we can stay safe.”

DO: Watch for Signs They Need Extra Help

Healing from trauma looks different for everyone. Some children bounce back quickly, while others may struggle with ongoing distress. Be mindful of signs that they might need professional help, including:

• Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares

• Changes in mood (irritability, sadness, anxiety)

• Avoiding places or people related to the trauma

• Difficulty concentrating in school or daily activities

• Physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches with no medical cause

If you notice these signs, gently suggest professional support. You might say, “Sometimes talking to a therapist can help people feel better. Would you like to meet someone who can help?”

DON’T: Force the Conversation

Not all children and teens are ready to talk immediately. Pressuring them to open up can create more stress. Instead, reassure them that it’s okay to talk whenever they feel ready. Keep the door open with phrases like, “I’m here for you whenever you want to share.”

Creating a Safe Space for Healing

Talking to kids and teens about trauma isn’t easy, but your presence, patience, and support can make all the difference. By focusing on safety, letting them lead, avoiding dismissive statements, and watching for signs of distress, you can help them navigate the healing process in a way that fosters resilience and emotional well-being.

If you’re struggling with how to support a child or teen after trauma, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. At our clinic, we provide compassionate, expert care to help families heal together.